Maybe i’m just tired. Maybe i just am having one of those days. Or weeks. Maybe it’s because i just started a new job, which i actually love, but have to get used to being the new girl and not having any experience in the field i’m in.
Maybe it’s all in my head. It’s probably all in my head. But lately i just feel mediocre. I keep thinking how i’ve never been popular, or fit in to any group or crowd. I am not part of the blog/online so-called clique, i never have been part of any clique or have had that one best friend that’s stayed with me throughout life. Most of the time, i’m ok with that. I just tell myself that i’m a social gypsy and just make friends when i can. Part of the reason is that i don’t do drama and refuse to be a part of it. But sometimes, i want that friend that’s been there for me through it all, that i can have best girl time with, that i can talk about boys with or just do silly things with.
But that’s not all. I want to fit in. I want to be accepted even though i’m different. I want to be the best at my job. I know it’s all a learning experience and most of it will come with time but it’s hard being new and seeing all these experienced people getting offered different positions and shifts and wishing it was me. I have always just felt mediocre at everything. Photography, crafts, keeping up with my blog, life – it all just feels mediocre to me. I feel like i am trying but it’s never good enough. I’m actually in a really good place in my life right now and am happy again. But want to be the best at something. Didn’t someone say everyone is good at something? Or do you ever hear people say ‘i was born to do this?’ Why can’t i feel that way about something. Why can’t i feel good enough? I know i have a lot more to learn about lots of things i love to do, especially my job. And i’m probably being way more critical of myself than i should be. I just get frustrated when i can’t do something as good or as fast, or think back and realized i should’ve done something different and wonder why i didn’t think about it at the time. I just feel that there isn’t that one thing that i’m the best at, i’m just so-so at a bunch of small things.
So, Sweet World, are you feeling mediocre about something lately? Or is it just me?